Your Sloth Quotient: 59%

You're definitely lazier than the average person, but you're able to live a somewhat normal life. All your life needs is a little more effort and variety, and you might see that doing hard things is actually fun!

How Much Sloth Do You Have?

i need to concentrate more on not doing things. i wanna 99%.i just wanna be the supersloth.

a gruesome next day is truly appreciated when u are obsessive and insomniac.
sometimes i surprise myself with the profoundity of my thought process.

i found an idea i like very much. pigs fly when i'm not looking. what's to stop them? i like it. the possibility makes my life seem richer.

how can it be that after more than two decades, make it two point five decades, of education and constant hammering of concepts like self-worth, security and success, my only - one and only - ambition is not to do anything, ever? read books and raise dogs and sit and do nothing. yes, that's what i want my life to look like. and i can't even feel apologetic about it. how can it be?
i live for the day - that one day - when i'll stop and do nothing. and i don't want to be all old and washed out before i do that. i want my retirement now.

i am happy at the moment. ok, this has been one of my trademark drunk as a fish lines. but this time, i am sober and i mean it. the last few weeks haven't been too great.
work, toad, tempatation to walk away, restlessness, missing things and people and places i'm not supposed to miss, guilt, weariness...
R's father passed away a couple of weeks back. it was heartbreaking to watch her deal with it. it was even worse to watch her kid brother trying to be a "man" about it. none of us knew what to do, how to make things better (like that can be done) and felt like utter failures as human beings.
this evening was different, more relaxed and pleasant.
it seems like ages have passed since i had time enough for myself. which is sad, considering all major decsions i've made in the last two years have been geared to one goal - having more time.the other day, me and the southern wonder were mourning the fact that no-one recognises the fact that wanting contentment, wanting to be just happy - no more, no less - is a legitimate ambition.
time, people i care for, time for people i care for, and a good book or hundred when i get a bit tired of them - should be quite simple actually. except its not. there's some elusive ingredient that's always missing. but not tonight.

none of our diyas survived beyond 10 minutes. of course this is all the progenitor's fault for he insisted on earthen diyas and made those wicks himself, claiming technical knowledge having watched someone do those eons ago. undaunted we took out chrismas decorations out of a blue reindeer-y box and set those up. it was hard to pick which one was more hideous - half-dying, spluttering diyas or erratic mini-berries in blue, green and yellow; that lit up in sporradic bouts. to complete the look, we added some dry-ish marigold strings too.
we tried to look suitably mournful to show solidarity with the man, but it was too frikkin' hilarious. we left him sulking. then psycho kid from the 'hood came calling to ask for help with her fireworks. told her to piss off since i'm too scared and as a result was dragged to the shop to go and get some, which R, S and psycho kid then let off with greatest glee. i sat on R's steps with her mum, my mum ( who abandoned her dreamy musings on how to make my father's life a greater misery for the rest of the evening), the other R and three cats.
we may not have had lights enough, but there was lots of laughter.after a long time.

i'm pissed. a) i'm calvin, which is unfair, considering i take my maturity and cultivate it with all seriousness, b) i pasted it like an idiot three times on the blog and now i can neither see it nor delete it, c) some idiot has been letting off crackers right below my window and it's already too dark to see who it is, d) i'm expected to light up ten thousand fucking diyas dressed in a scratchy orange silk kurta ( with blue squiggles and golden spirals in it) and be happy about it, e) someone's messed up my pc so bad that opera's about the only thing that works , so half my fun things are denied to me and f) i haven't had my cup of coffee nor my two o clock cigarette.
and if that's not enough, my mother insisits on blasting devotional kali puja songs on the tv and is laughing like a maniac not eight inches away from me.
i am getting progessively pisseder and pisseder.
i need something monumental to get in a better mood. i'll be back. i need to celebrate the return of my cyberlife with something pleasant.