a bit of a gift of the magii situation.
why do i never listen to good advice?
ebare ami ki korbo?
apart from laugh maniacally and try to guess how serious or trivial the issue is.
oh boy.

vacation hit rocky grounds.
then picked up again with back-up group stepping in. except it seems deferred gratification is the way to go. but it would be neat with this bunch. like all first times. :P
anyway since the idea of deferred gratification sits uneasy on me i bought bright red flip flops.
on top of the 100 rs denim skirt, purple balloon top, black harem pants, capris three sizes too small that i have to figure out what to exchange for.
all is good.

happy it is only

heehee haha hyehyehye hhihihihihihi. i feel zoozoo laughters bubbling out of me.
ten days leave - sanctioned.
people - three-quarters manipulated.
waves - not so distant a dream.

on a different note, somebody brought up college in an unconnected discussion. also an alamnus, some three decades and more my senior, of my alma mater. he remembered the the gravity. i could only remember the levity.
college? sure. that place where the near blind historian held a class. the end of rollcall and the last five rows were gone. the rest of us eyeing the window casually, looking to make a move. over eager fat boy (who was it, that boy from eng lit or poly sci?) wants to go next. commotion. the old professor wailing "the poor boy has fooollayn. whai aar yoo laaphing?"

or the spluttering poly sci professor looking at us aghast and then going mental yelling for the head. purple face stuck in the head's room ranting in a loop: how could people who have attended two classes in the entire year have the gall to come and ask what their attendance percentage was. how how how.

or the near hysterical socio professor yelping "oke boshao, oke boshte bolo" when a classmate tried to deal with what had happened during a misplaced kiss, by wrapping his head around the idea of freudian slip.

or the guest lecturer. actually guest lecturers. the angry one, the one who we were not supposed to mess with on account of him having had a heart attack in the same classroom the year before, the nail varnish lady, the pretty one.

canteen.

and how serious all of it and life seemed then.

and it ACTUALLY rained. the nice kind.
huge torrential downpour, hailstorms, slamming windows, breaking glass, the poor pink tree gets a branch ripped off. it never fails to amaze how something so chaotic, frenzied, energetic could have such a calming effect.
and i hatched a fantastic plan/daydream. lessee.

i dreamt of rain.
not the pretty one, but the irritating city kind. when the clouds hold great promise and you can't take your eyes off them, yet it peters down to a small, steady dripping that turns everything murky, slimy, inconvenient. the grey overtones encompass everything and seem to be unrelenting, quite unlike the torrents.
black umbrellas. colleagues in white shirt. the metro station. the little electricity cable box. a cramped house. dull clouds and the constant dripping of rain.
sometimes waking up is as pointless as sleeping it in.

it's been a difficult day. i had to keep at bay a red haze of anger just to be barely functional. it was one of these days. it just refuses to go away. the only thing that kept me from pulling the final punch was the thought that if i am angry at one person, maybe the person is at fault, if i am angry at fucking everybody under the bleeding sun, then it must be me.
what happened to the soft and subdued, milk and honey person i set out to be?
well fuck that.
except for how tired and drained you feel when you're angry, it's really pretty gratifying to find the world parting like red sea at the receiving end of a moses act, just to get out of your sodding way.