i am very tired.
i spent a long time thinking about a piece of news yesterday. then there's been stuff that's been happening with friends and family. and i can't help realting it to a larger pattern.
i don't have it in me to be analytical about things right now. it's just a knee-jerk emotional reaction that comes forth. being a woman is getting the rough side of the deal. being a woman in india - even more so.
i am ashamed to put it down here, i am ashamed to think this way, but i need to remember this. at a phase of my life, when i am independent, successful by meagre measures, wanted and appreciated, seemingly secure, in an era that pays lip service to the idea of strength, i can't celebrate life enough.
all around me i see tiredness, deprivation, exploitation. emotional abuse, physical violence, a manic attempt to keep the plaster form peeling. comes with the territory.
when will they learn? yes, them.
it saddens me infinitely to think that almost all men in my life really don't get it. some women too.
i have always felt a part of me going stone cold for a while when people talking about leaving this country for good. for a better life. over the last few weeks i couldn't help thinking that there is some merit to that plan of action.
defeatist, escapist, unreal, betraying my own line of thought - yes to all. but being a woman here is frightening at times. and those times are getting to be more frequent.