counting blessings

it seems like the right time to count my blessings. exactly one year back, i felt like i will not be able to go on.yes, the darkness renders the light meaningful. but sometimes, you just feel a little less able to cope with things. a year later, today i can't wait to find out what life has in store for me around the next corner.

my transition phase ended with the recent trip i had. it was one of those breaks you take with friends, laugh incessantly, feel totally at home and do not even entertain the idea of having a meaningful conversation. it was just clean, mindless fun. i came back with the realisation that probably the only space where you should seek to be totally at home is with your friends. the rest - being at home in a job, being at home in a city, playing the 'right' part - is not really essential for survival. you should have those things ideally, but you won't stop being the person you are, if those don't work out.

i came back with a sense of calm and a contentment that i had lost , quite some time back. and then more stuff happened to lift me up to levels of euphoric existence. what more am i waiting for? this seems like the right time to do a stock taking.

- i'm very thankful that a year back, i had courage enough to ask for what i wanted. and throughout the year that proceeded, though i came close enough to giving up, i did not. though at times it took major faking of guts i did not have. but then again i'm a divine being, aren't i?
- i'm very thankful that i have friends to stand by me and hold my hands when i hurt myself. sometimes, they even go against their sense of self-preservation to try and stop me. i'm thankful that they don't give up on me.
- i'm very thankful that i learnt to let go
- i'm very thankful that i was taught to value the right things in life
- i'm very thankful that ocassionally i have it in me to make people i love a little bit more happy.
- i'm very thankful that i get what i want from life. yes, sometimes it is scary. but the other occasions more than make up for it.
- i'm very thankful that i have more than one person in my life who is happy or sad on my behalf.

* i'm also very thankful about my new slippers, the black top, orange rosebush and several other things. but its kind of flaky to mention those on this list.